...you damned dirty ape!
Ok, so a couple of nice retirees go to visit their former pet chimp, now in an animal sanctuary, and when they get there, the chimp's buddies escape from their cage and attack with extreme prejudice [Yahoo! News].
The man's injuries included "severe facial injuries," a severed foot and severed testicles. After the first chimp was shot, the second started dragging the injured man down the road. WTF??
And while all this excitement was going down, two female chimps decided to hightail it out of there.... It took authorities 5 hours to find the pair, one of which was more than two miles away.
There is no more fiction in the world. It all really happens somewhere.